Evolving Faith?

I'm not sure sure if my faith is growing or slowing.  

Is it holier to pray by the sea, or run through it?  I don't fold my hands as often when I pray anymore, but I wouldn't say I pray any less.  Sometimes I believe we are called to lose our faith so that we may find it, and die so that we may live.  If only I was always at one of those clear cut cross roads.  In reality I'm often unsure of what road I'm on at all.  Im often repeating the process of taking 2 steps forward and 2 back again, finding what I already knew was there all along.  Or dying half hearted deaths daily, not to really die, but to avoid having to really live.

God, give me the bravery to live on a one way street.