You Should Get Muscular

Really? Should I?

Wanting to become muscular seems a bit superficial to me. Like wanting a mansion and a Ferrari. Nothing wrong with those things, but are they really motivators of substance? I'd rather be holistically healthy with an average body, income, and car than 1 showy thing to feed my ego.

I'd rather have great relationships and an awesome quality of life than some external showy thing that will only last so long. I guess what I'm saying is is I want to be known for non-showy things. For my mind, my judgement, my abilities.

Course Correct Outrageousness

I've had this deep tension within my artistic expression... I love to write. I love to create. Art and crap.  But to do it productively you need a direction, and a focus, and blah blah blah. And nothing stunts my creativity like having to have a specific direction and focus and blah blah blah.

This is why I've suddenly gotten outrageous and already posted more blogs in the last 5 hours than I have in the last 5 weeks. I'm just letting loose. Creating what I want when I want to. Isn't that what its about if I claim to be a content artist?

My friend Luke told me just do it. Just go. Just create, you can course correct later. He's entirely right.

Memories From My 2nd Childhood

I came across this cool looking photo with writing down the middle yesterday. I loved the synergy of the text woven with the image. A type of photo poetry. I started going through my own photos and pondering little poetic lines to deface them with.

I came across this photo I took of a ripped photo sitting in my office. I've had this ripped photo sitting around for years, and it represents the memories of this crappy little apartment I lived in in Long Beach, CA in 2007-ish with my good friend, Derek. It was an interesting time in my life. And I love that a simple memento can hold the essence of a whole era of my life.

I decided to refer to this era of my life as my 2nd childhood, approximately from when I was ages 16-25. Because the reality is I was a grown up, but I had nothing but growing up left to do. So it was a really beautiful and dark time in my life. And I thank God I got to have it.

Yeshua

I referred to Jesus as Yeshua in a recent post. I wondered how confusing that would be for most people. I had never heard of the name Yeshua until a few years ago. From my understanding (which is superbly limited) the Biblical names we know are the English versions. Which seems crazy, like if your names Bob and you go to a different Country do they pronounce it as Zanzabar? Or something?

No man, his name's freaking Bob. Actually I wouldn't mind a sweet nickname while abroad, but I digress. The point is the Son of God I grew praying to named "Jesus" was apparently never his name at all. Weird right? I mean even if you're not a Jesus follower or whatever, that's just weird no matter the situation. Is it not?

It's like you hear about peoples names changing when they immigrated to America. My wife's maiden name is "Noblitt", but supposedly it was "Noblet'" (pronounced "no-blay") in it's original French origin. They just changed it to fit in, or be easier to pronounce or something along those lines. So I guess I can get that.

I'd personally prefer to know people by their real name, though. Seems pretty simple and more genuine that way.

Whats the opposite of a starving artist?

It's funny because I identify with being an artist, but because I'm no longer pursuing a specific art form to make a living at, it seems kind of weird to even refer to myself as an artist. The truth is, I absolutely love art, though. I love expressing myself in ways I would not be able to express myself otherwise. I love creating, and finding my story in a visual, or weaving my story into an experience. Blah blah blah.

I find trying to turn art into a paycheck compromises the purity of the art, though. At least for me personally. If you have to produce art to pay the bills, you have to produce art that will sell. What if I don't care if my art sells? What if I just want to crate whatever I want to create whenever I want to create it?

I guess I'm just a content artist. Not fat. Not starving. Just satisfied. And that's the way I like it.

It also doesn't hurt that being a "content" artist works as an excellent pun as well. Since content is all the rage these days in our digital age. So there you have it.

Permission granted, title claimed.

I'm a content artist.

about as inspiring as a dirty napkin behind the toilet of your favorite dive bar

You know, I've got a lot figured out. I know, b/c people I respect who are older than me have straight up confessed to me that I make them uncomfortable. "You seem to have so much figured out," they say. "It makes me uncomfortable, so I avoid you. Basically."

The ironic thing is that they have just as much different stuff figured out than me, and I think we could have learned a lot from each other. But good friendships are not 1 way streets.

So I know some things, apparently. But it would be too easy just to focus on that. No, no, no. Of course, I need to focus on the greener grasses. As my human nature and inner adventurer demand of me. What am I building? What am I standing for? What passion is going to keep me up tonight?

That's what's funny is I sleep horribly when I'm excited for something, but I hate how well I sleep when I'm excited for nothing. How's that for a paradox?

I'd rather be head over heels for life and never have a great night sleep than the converse. But you know, life comes in waves. Some things stick. Some don't. Seasons change. Blah blah blah.

I have things to be excited about. I am excited about things. But you know, there's still that question, am I doing it right? A damning question, often times. Also a damning question not to ask, often times, too.

Everything always comes back to balance. Yeshua said to be hot or cold, and I think extremes always have a place in the right ways if you can wrap your head around the un-understandable. It's all always so easy and tough to grasp, just like it should be, though, you know?

And that's the crux of it all. The absurdity and the stunning pure beauty of it all. Our questions and searches are like massages to the soul in that moment. We are contented in our discontentedness and discontent in our contentedness and were often happiest when our left hand doesn't know what our right is doing.

They say clarity attracts, and that's where I get unclear about the whole thing. How do you live in the balance of paradox and feed the urge to become a leader who can attract with clarity? I get anyone can jam the puzzle of life together as they please, but such self-assuredness turns humility into runny eggs oozing through your fingers.

Maybe I should be an anti-leader? I'll detract others with ambiguity. Sounds about as inspiring as a dirty napkin behind the toilet of your favorite dive bar. Sounds about as unexpecting as the best things in life often are.

The Recipe for Simplicity

Examine the heart of your mind regularly.